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| hmm i suddenly feel like writing about stuff so here goes
So today was ranking..and i lost every single game. I wasn't expecting much since i haven't practice in 2 months, but wow, i played badly haha..wasn't prepared mentally or physically at all. I was sitting by the door after my last match and noticed three or four people walk out of the gym tearing up. I remember i'd used to get pretty emotional about my games when i cared a lot about winning. Everything was so new back then and i felt like i had a whole future of competitive badminton ahead of me.. I miss that feeling of being really into training and motivated all the time. Now its like, ahh i have to focus on school because badminton isn't going to get me anywhere in life. I used to persuade my parents to let me play because it would "be a plus on my college apps." I've gotten all that can from leagues/CCS/ jr. nationals, and everything that i do from now is just for fun since i'll never become pro. It's true, but my gosh. i was not a happy player today. I noticed how pretty much all the toga ppl that have been on the team tended to flake their junior/senior year, me included. All the people that stay are either young, in college already, or just dont care that much about school. At least it was great seeing everyone again.. i missed the team quite a bit and i'm looking foward to going back after apps and w/e are done.
Speaking of apps, someone told me how college is really overrated because essentially everyone will end up working at a job they dont like in order to to support a family, no matter how good of a college you get into. I dont understand how people can say those things when they're still really young. It just makes life sound so pointless when its not, unless you let it become so. It bothers me how cynical people complain about the world and how pointless everything is, and they dont ask themselves what they want and then do something to make themselves happier. I mean, maybe i'm being overly critical. Perhaps they're being driven crazy by their parents or feel pressured by society and stuff. But still, it's hard for me to see them like that when i know i cant do anything about it. I guess i'm pretty lucky to have parents that dont know anything about my academic life at all..my mom suggested going to deanza since it's closer haha.
i feel like i've been sitting around too much..well doing apps and studying but nonetheless still sitting around. i think i'll start running after school more often, anyone want to join meee? haha i wonder how long i'll be able to keep it up.
On a random note, i hate how this weather gives me ice cube like feet even if i'm wearing socks and slippers (like now). I seriously have trouble sleeping because my feet are frozen all the time.
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| i've been having the same exact dream over and over again..its so weird. | | |
| Davis was pretty fun, i should have played a LOT better though. I noticed how my first games always suck a lot..too inconsistant. I also learned that it's impossible to read an AP bio book during a tournament. Most of the time i was just holding the book while staring at a game or talking to ppl..once in awhile i'd read a sentence or two without absorbing any of the info. haha..i'm so unproductive
oh yea, i went to the dentist and found out that i have a cavity. my FIRST cavity..sighh..there goes my perfect record. I'm now the only kid in my family with a cavity. Stupid thing is that a brush and floss everyday too. argghhh
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sometimes it feels as if things aren't going the way i want them to..well yes, i know complaining isn't going to change anything, but i'm ranting. It's just so stressful..the whole school + sat + extra cirricular combo and i feel as if i cant focus and do well on one without neglecting the other two. As of now, i've only been focusing and school, which im not doing that great in, and i'm seeing and feeling myself weakening in other aspects. i dont know..maybe i'm incapable of exceeding in everything that i want, everything that i try hard in. I know i should keep the mentality to continue keep working hard and not get discouraged, but that's so difficult right now. Of course i'm not going to give up on anything but this present feeling of disappointment just brings me down. =/ sighhhhhh | | |
| I'm back from taiwan! It was pretty fun i guess..except the whole time i was there i was trying to adjust to the time zone, and now that i'm back, i have to adjust again arghh. Things that i did there:
~took studio pics w/ my sister and cousin
~went out to eat a billion times with relatives
~went shopping and to the night market! =)
~got a new racket
~took a ping pong class (it was pretty funny, i kept missing the ball, thinking my paddle was as long as a badminton racket)
~watching worlds on TV every morning =)
hmm school in a few days, i should finish my outlines..haha | | |
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